Archive Page 118

Creeposaurus Rex

Why do we like scary movies?  Sarayu, don’t answer that.  I took a film class in college on horror movies.  We watched movies like Cat People, Halloween, The Exorcist and Beetlejuice.  We studied patterns in the genre and talked about the sound bus and other conventions.  We talked a little about different philosophies of why these movies can be so appealing — ideas like, we generally live very safe lives and these movies satisfy some deep need to turn on our fight-or-flight instincts from time to time.  All that aside, and for whatever reason, I do like a good scary movie now and then.  Or at least I think I do.

Last night I was truly scared.  I saw The Strangers.  Ben said that he wasn’t interested in seeing it because he thought that a movie about people being terrorized by masked killers wasn’t so much a horror movie as it was just a gross movie about torture, which is a fair argument, I suppose.  But I read the reviews, saw the previews and wanted to see it.  It sure looked loads better than Vacancy.  I walked into the theater already scared, but ready to brace myself.  There were a bunch of other people in the theater, which was good, as long as they didn’t sit directly behind me.  There was also a guy who was pretty vocal with his laughter and cries of “No!”  In Out of Africa, I would have been furious; during The Strangers, I was grateful.

The movie starts with what I thought was very cool imagery: sort of moving snapshots of a street with homes that get further and further apart, leading you into a clearly more and more remote area.  Then there are snapshots of two Mormon-like young lads slowly entering a house, shots of blood spatter, and the sound of a 911 call in which the caller states that he doesn’t know where he is, but there’s blood everywhere.

Cut.

Ben (as I will call him because Heather did, though, yes, I realize his name is really Scott Speedman and his movie names is James, Jamie or Jimmy) and Liv are driving a Volvo (very horror movie car — safe, reliable, Swedish), she’s crying, he’s looking Ben-like.  They’re returning home from a wedding to what was described in the opening narrative as Ben’s family’s summer home.  Just an aside here: this is a totally weird summer home.  It’s a 1950s or 60s ranch that is stuffed to the gills.  I mean, there are knickknacks everywhere.  I guess some folks would use their summer homes to unload junk from their everyday homes, but there was nothing in this house that said hey, sit, relax, unwind — you’re on summer vacation!  It looked more like someone’s grandparents’ house.  Additionally, although its location was clearly remote, it still seemed to be in some sort of suburban neighborhood.  I don’t know.  Something about the house just didn’t seem to fit for me.  And that there was Corona in the fridge of the summer home in February.  And that Ben got the mail from the mailbox even though he’d been there earlier that day.  Anyway, that’s neither here nor there, though it’s obvious that I was distracted by it. 

The movie did a nice job of providing some tension between Ben and Liv without delving too deep.  I think it’s important to know a little about the characters you’re about to want desperately to survive the terror.  So, we find out that he’s just proposed and she clearly didn’t jump at the offer.  But she’s sad, he’s embarrassed.  He still takes care of her by unzipping her dress, lighting her a fire, and going to buy her cigs when she says she’s out (another interesting bit: the cigs.  In this age where groups seem to be threatening Hollywood with their anti-smoking zeal, we see super-sweet Liv chimney smoking.  Not that I’m worried about the tobacco lobby, but I was surprised by the Marlboro plugs).  I suppose the cigs were needed to get Ben out of the house so our heroine can begin the super scary stuff alone.  Which is what happens.  He leaves, and weird stuff starts.  Well, not entirely true.  Someone pounds on the door before he leaves and says, “Is Tamara home?” or something like that.  Not only did this person interrupt the great Wilco/Billy Bragg song on the record player — as well as Ben and Liv about to consummate their non-engagement — but it’s truly FREAKY.  It’s 4 am.  Do not answer the door when someone pounds on it.  Plus, this girl’s voice is enough to send me to the phone to call 911.

Freaky girl:  Is Tamara there?

Kate: [frantically dialing 911]

911 Operator: What’s your emergency?

Kate: There is a totally freaked out girl at my door asking me if Tamara is here.

So, Tamara is not home, girl has the wrong house.  Nevermind that it’s 4 in the morning and the girl is outside your damn super-isolated/suburban summer home in February with no car.  I mean, hello?  What the hell is she doing there?  And Ben is all, should I go after her?  People get lost out here all the time.  On foot?  At 4 in the morning?  In February in a supposed summer home area?  Argh.

Now I know that horror movies are meant to be frustrating (don’t open the door!  Turn around!  Don’t go out there!), but I must comment on the frustration because that’s sort of part of the whole experience, isn’t it?  Afterwards — and during — saying to yourself, or out loud, “If only….”  If only they hadn’t answered the door, if only Ben hadn’t gone for those cigarettes, if only he’d listened to Liv when she said a damned masked man was at the back door, if only she’d accepted his proposal…

The thing about this horror movie, though — if it can legitimately be called horror (more on this later) — is the sheer random-ness of it.  There is no Michael Myers who’s stalking his sister and her friends (or whatever that was about) or Freddie coming around to get revenge or even the devil himself taking aim at a little girl and the Church.  This is without reason.  When asked, “Why are you doing this to us?” the answer is, “Because you were home.”  And it’s said with such pure honesty.  There is no reason.

Whether that’s some comment on postmodern postmodernism, or some other ism, it’s damn scary.

As for whether or not this is horror movie, well.  In class, we were taught the prevailing theory on what constitutes a horror movie is that the movie must have, among other things, a monster.  The monster is something that isn’t human.  And it can’t just be a dog or something, either.  It has to be not-of-this-world, or out of sync, like the anachronistic dinosaurs in Jurassic Park.  I think you could make a case for The Strangers being a horror movie.  Those masked psychos were soulless.  And what’s less human than that?

Oh! I wanted to add that I thought the movie did some great nods to its predecessors — the bath scene was a little Psycho-ish (and actually the beginning in the Volvo reminded me both of Janet Leigh driving to the hotel, as well as a little Beetlejuice with Alec and Geena driving back from town), the closet scene was all Jamie Lee in Halloween and the end was sheer Carrie.  I find these allusions strangely comforting — while they’re scary because they remind us that there’s terror out there, they also remind us that we’re watching a movie.  I like a little reminder like that when watching a horror film.

The consolation I had while trying to sleep last night, in addition to the bunches of wine I consumed to calm my nerves, was that there was a very scary thunderstorm.  I told myself, as well as puppy, that scary ax-wielding masked intruders don’t like to get wet.

 

Blogosaurus Rex

Kate

Look what I did! Just like Joshua in War Games, I’m learning.

Can you believe this woman is 34? That’s what US Magazine told me last night. 34. What?

Oh, shoot. That didn’t really work. Go to the second picture in the gallery.

Ok, and whoah.

Helmet to helmet

I biked into work today on my little 3-speed bike.  Only it’s not little and I think the cute basket alone adds 10 minutes to my ride when there’s a strong head-wind.  And by strong I mean any sort of breeze.  Basically, I need to get in better shape.  I almost didn’t wear my helmet this morning because I was so upset by our union meeting last night, but I caved at the last minute because if there’s one thing I learned from AmeriCrap, it’s safety first. 

Union meeting.  Ugh.  As some of you know, I’ve been actively annoyed with our union situation as of late.  It’s so hard to talk about without feeling like I sound really greedy, but getting a raise once in awhile would be nice.  With our union, the basic problem is that the top folks (over 50% of our union) move further away from us at the bottom (under 20% of our union).  This is too boring and frustrating to talk about here.

But guess what?  It happened again!  I had an interview two Saturdays ago for a server position at Vin Santo, a really great, small Italian family-run restaurant in Middleton.  I thought it went really well — we laughed a lot, talked about all sorts of stuff, she gave me a menu to take home, blah blah.  She called me about five days later to tell me that she’d hired someone else, but would give me a call if that didn’t work out.  I was fine with it because, truthfully, I don’t want to make a second career out of waiting tables and she made it clear that they want someone long term.  I didn’t really know how I should handle it had I been offered the job because while I wanted it, I didn’t want to screw them over by leaving when we got a raise here (which, of course, isn’t really going to happen given the Union debacle — isn’t this such a symbiotic post?).  At Sundance, or a corporate place like that, I don’t feel that guilt.  But at a smally, family-owned restaurant where none of the chairs match and look like they may have been salvaged from Ogg Hall before the wrecking balls came, I feel more responsibility.  Ok, so my point is, when she called to tell me they went with someone else, I was mostly relieved. 

And then today I checked Craig’s List and, guess what, Vin Santo is looking for a server.

You’re motoring

I had my first tennis match of the season last night, having not picked up a racket since last summer.  One of my teammates was complaining she hadn’t played in two weeks.  The thing is, I am the youngest person by at least twenty years on my team, which isn’t a problem, but me not playing a lot probably is.  I thought I could win my match anyway, but it didn’t work out that way.  I lost 7-6 (9-7), 6-3.  I thought I put up a good fight and probably should have won, but it turns out there’s a level of fitness required in tennis and two hours was a bit much for me.  Embarrasing.  I’m hoping I can turn this around.

On the way home, though, Sister Christian came on Charlie and I felt ok about things for a bit.  It took me back to a time when Kristin, Heather and sometimes Ben and I would head out to the Wisco for cheap beers, grilled cheese, yahtzee and jukebox.  Simple times.  Good times (at least when they wouldn’t unplug the jukebox on us, and ok when they did as long as they gave Heather her quarters back).  Post-AmeriHell, pre law school.  Pre real world, really.  We had a cute apartment (esp since we didn’t discover the mice for a good year, though the raccoon was a bit creepy) and I had probably my best roommates ever.  We all had silly jobs — Heather at Victor’s working nutty morning hours; Kristin working with cokeheads at Mickey’s, coming home with more change than I’ve ever seen; and me at Luigi’s, telling folks they can’t smoke on our outdoor patio even when they’re the only ones on it.  But we made enough money to pay for our cheap, sunny apartment and enough to go to the Wisco several nights a week and enough to have a party now and then.  That was a fun summer.

Hills and valleys

I think Sarayu lives in the Valley.  I don’t exactly know what that means (ok, yes I know what a valley is), but I’m told it’s not cool.  Since Sarayu and not cool go together like oil and water, I find it hard to believe, but lots of things in LA seem backward to me.  Like that $25 soup Sarayu was talking about.  Anyway, I assume that the Hills are somewhere near the Valley, making it the Valley, but much, much cooler.  Who saw last night’s season finale and wasn’t disappointed?  I need this show to step it up and spend less time on long shots with no one talking…Heidi staring blankly at Spencer, Lauren staring blankly at Audrina, Whitney staring in wonder at everyone’s drama…Step it up and dance already!  Ok, not dance, but something.  If they follow these kids around as much as they seem to, I expect a little more in an episode.  That aside, let’s talk about the little substance the show contained.  Lo is the most obnoxious person on the planet and I have no idea why Lauren likes her at all.  She’s boring, whiny, manipulative, fake and really not funny.  “This soup is yummy!”  “I’m hungry!”  “Our puppy has two mommies!”  SO ANNOYING.  Why Lauren, who seems to have pretty decent instincts, doesn’t kick this one to the curb, I do not understand.  Maybe Lo is paying the whole rent on those awesome new digs the gals are sharing.  How amazing is that place?  Anyway, Lo is awful and I love that Audrina FINALLY called Lauren out about it.  That was way too long in coming.  On another note, why during the intermittent Aussie coverage of the show did that woman keep insisting we all want to see Lauren and Stephen together?  I don’t want to see them together.  I think their friendship is fine but I feel like they have about zero chemistry.  I feel like Stephen exudes zeroness.  He seems like one of those made-up celebrities that are manufactured by a studio that teenage girls are told is super cute and adorable.  Only he’s really pretty average and normal.  This is only amplified by having him stand next to Lauren.  Jason radiated sex appeal.  Stephen looks like he might be able to sell you a good retirement plan.

Obviously, I am ignoring the elephant in the room: Heidi.  What in the &^%$#@*^% is going on with her?  Why she even has this job is beyond my comprehension, but then to walk out on it when Spencer saunters in and humiliates her?  Why oh why?  Heidi goes to Colorado, saying she wants space and to clear her head.  Spencer shows up and she flips out about it, saying he doesn’t respect her and it’s always all about him.  He leaves.  They do nothing but fight and not see each other for the entire season.  Heidi tells Stephanie that she needs to go to Vegas for work because it’s a great opportunity, she wants to move up in the company and she needs to clear her head.  Putting aside the obvious — why this airhead needs to clear her head makes no sense and why she has this job at all is AGAIN mystifying — fine, go to Vegas, Heidi.  She tells Steph not to tell Spencer.  Stephanie tells Spencer; he “makes” her go with him to Vegas; he shows up at a “drinking meeting” with Heidi and Bosses, saying that he needs to talk to her outside; Heidi gets very angry; Heidi leaves him, citing the importance of her job, goes back to the table with Bosses; everyone leaves; she hangs her head.  Cut.  Heidi doesn’t show up for work the next day and doesn’t answer her phone.  Shot of her heading down a very long escalator with Stephanie, Spencer and suitcases.  What in the hell is going on?  I know she wants more attention from the Hills so maybe Spencer just explained that moving to Vegas isn’t going to get her there, but this is damn ridiculous.  Get this girl her own show so she can get off of my Hills.